I see Papa sitting on a well outside, with his hands folded, appearing to be in deep thought, nature’s beauty radiant behind him. As I approach him, I can feel my chest getting tighter and tighter. I don’t know how this is going to work. Marie, Pauline, and Leonie, that was one thing—or three—but now me, his “queen”? All I can do as I draw closer to him is pray and try not to cry. at has always been a pretty frustrating habit. Always crying at the drop of a hat. Even crying about crying… Was this not actually worth crying over, though?
As I slowly sit down beside my father, my “king”, my resistance to tears quickly fails. Papa immediately notices and gently guides my head to his chest.
“What’s wrong my little queen? Tell me.”
The words come out choked and abrupt.
“Papa, I must enter Carmel now.”
He stands up with my head still pressed to his chest, and begins walking with me. I guess he’s taking his time, processing. He then responds gently. “You’re very young to be making such a serious decision.”
My emotions pour out. I’ve kept this from him for too long.
“The decision is not mine, but my belovéd Jesus’s. He is calling me there now, Papa. I know it! It started with a thirst that arose in me to win souls for Him, which drove me to pray for Pranzini. Now I know He calls me to win so many more at Carmel. He wants me there to Himself…AND EVERY DAY I AM UNABLE TO ANSWER THIS CALL IS PURE AGONY! PLEASE PAPA! HELP ME!”
Papa stops walking. My words must be like a knife to his heart. He holds me tighter. After what feels like an eternity, I feel his breath on top of my head.
“I will, my child. I promise you.”
I feel his cheek rest on top of my head, and after a few moments, he lets me go.
I can hardly believe what I just heard nor the confidence and reassurance in my father’s dark eyes. Is this real?
He takes me by the hand, and we begin walking again, looking to into the horizon. As we walk, he suddenly smiles and looks at me again.
“God is giving me quite an honor, taking my children away from me. Four He has taken to be with Him in Heaven, two to Carmel, one to the Visitation…and now He comes for my little queen.” He pauses. “So much the better…”